BURN

When I close my eyes, it feels like they are burning
Like nobody’s home to see me
Like air is pulling out of my lungs
And I have to suck the air right from the balloon to make it come back.
It feels like it’s getting dark
And that the light won’t ever be seen again.
Like it’s going to rain so hard without any shelter to hide to.
Like seeing a movie all by yourself and sitting in between the romantic couples there.
It’s so dark. It’s so cold.
What have I gotten myself into?
Is there such loneliness as this?
It’s probably the saddest moment of my life.

With my eyes still close,
I can see the visions of a faraway home,
Without my paradise, I can’t seem to take even a single step
It seems like my knees suddenly became weak
Like my feet needed even the most worn-out shoes to comfort them
Like my hands needed the most wet handkerchief to dry itself
Like I’m drowning with so much ugliness this world can give.
Would I ever find my way back?

Still in the darkness, I’m peeking through the windows of the cold earth.
First loves. First kisses. First hugs. First of all firsts.
It seems happy, they seem so real. But are they really?
I needed all the time I can get just to absorb them all.
I was never that fast in absorbing every detail.
Every moment needed every moment to exist.
And so am I.
I needed time, all the time I can get.
Just to forget one moment that needed every moment just to fade away.
Funny though, but true.
Of all the ironies of life, why choose love?

Love to be the subject of all the things that’s evolving.
Like planets everywhere.
In the galaxies. In the green nature. In the happy hours. Busy drives, Everywhere.
With no such word, why can’t they exist?
Why can’t they move?
Still peeking. Still seeing. Still watching.

And slowly, I tried to open my eyes to the real world.
But what did I see?
The very same thing.
The busy crossroads, the push-overs, the running and the walking.
I dare myself to breathe. Home’s still nowhere in sight.
Not even a trace, not even a memory.
Right here is where I am, in the true world.
Where lies and painful truth lives.

I still search for the piece of solitude.
Happiness and worthwhile stops.
Take a spin and make all my fantasies come true.
Outside the trouble and chaos,
Outside math assignments and complicated notes.
Just a song. A smooth rhythm.
Like a bird flying free above the earth.
Like making new memories out of thin air.
Like smiling for the first time in my life.
And alas, finding the song that will soothe just fine.

Without tears, I can conquer them
Without hateful alternates, I can grasp them
I long to hold, I long to share.
I long to cloth and I long to learn.
I long to stand, I long to pray.
To fight back and to chill out.
Long for all the firsts that I can get.
Long to solve every mysteries that can’t be solved.

And finally, I long to be where I’ve always wanted to be.
Right here. Right where I can begin to face the inevitable truth.
Right here, where I can Love without feeling weak.
Without Sinking, without drowning.
Right here where I can make every needed moment exist.