BURN

When I close my eyes, it feels like they are burning
Like nobody’s home to see me
Like air is pulling out of my lungs
And I have to suck the air right from the balloon to make it come back.
It feels like it’s getting dark
And that the light won’t ever be seen again.
Like it’s going to rain so hard without any shelter to hide to.
Like seeing a movie all by yourself and sitting in between the romantic couples there.
It’s so dark. It’s so cold.
What have I gotten myself into?
Is there such loneliness as this?
It’s probably the saddest moment of my life.

With my eyes still close,
I can see the visions of a faraway home,
Without my paradise, I can’t seem to take even a single step
It seems like my knees suddenly became weak
Like my feet needed even the most worn-out shoes to comfort them
Like my hands needed the most wet handkerchief to dry itself
Like I’m drowning with so much ugliness this world can give.
Would I ever find my way back?

Still in the darkness, I’m peeking through the windows of the cold earth.
First loves. First kisses. First hugs. First of all firsts.
It seems happy, they seem so real. But are they really?
I needed all the time I can get just to absorb them all.
I was never that fast in absorbing every detail.
Every moment needed every moment to exist.
And so am I.
I needed time, all the time I can get.
Just to forget one moment that needed every moment just to fade away.
Funny though, but true.
Of all the ironies of life, why choose love?

Love to be the subject of all the things that’s evolving.
Like planets everywhere.
In the galaxies. In the green nature. In the happy hours. Busy drives, Everywhere.
With no such word, why can’t they exist?
Why can’t they move?
Still peeking. Still seeing. Still watching.

And slowly, I tried to open my eyes to the real world.
But what did I see?
The very same thing.
The busy crossroads, the push-overs, the running and the walking.
I dare myself to breathe. Home’s still nowhere in sight.
Not even a trace, not even a memory.
Right here is where I am, in the true world.
Where lies and painful truth lives.

I still search for the piece of solitude.
Happiness and worthwhile stops.
Take a spin and make all my fantasies come true.
Outside the trouble and chaos,
Outside math assignments and complicated notes.
Just a song. A smooth rhythm.
Like a bird flying free above the earth.
Like making new memories out of thin air.
Like smiling for the first time in my life.
And alas, finding the song that will soothe just fine.

Without tears, I can conquer them
Without hateful alternates, I can grasp them
I long to hold, I long to share.
I long to cloth and I long to learn.
I long to stand, I long to pray.
To fight back and to chill out.
Long for all the firsts that I can get.
Long to solve every mysteries that can’t be solved.

And finally, I long to be where I’ve always wanted to be.
Right here. Right where I can begin to face the inevitable truth.
Right here, where I can Love without feeling weak.
Without Sinking, without drowning.
Right here where I can make every needed moment exist.

I'm In Pain

You just can’t expect the one you love to be always true to you, sometimes things goes the way we don’t want them to.. Sometimes, you have to be fooled just to realize in the end that you’re still willing to accept the pain, look to the reality, be a strong one, take all the consequences and be a person full of life. Sometimes love is meant to hurt you.

Being in love is what others just wish to be. Love gives life to those people who lost their way, who thinks that they don’t have someone to belong to. Love gives happiness and makes you human, it makes you live life. Love overtakes all the sadness, it decreases fear.. but love also gives pain. Pain of which sometimes you can’t handle.
It makes you fall apart into pieces; it breaks your heart,
it breaks your happiness..
Sometimes we ask:
“What have I done wrong? Why do I have to suffer like this?!
It’s too much, It’s killing me!”

But the thing is not on you, it’s on the other half sometimes..Who just realized they love someone new.
To suffer in pain gives you the power to be wild and dangerous. To be afraid to trust and fall in love again. Maybe the thing’s on you too.. You gave everything. You loved him too much without thinking what might happen..

“No!” you will say, “I can pass this, I’m not strong but I’ll be. This love for him is the magic I’ll take.”
It becomes a matter of decision for you, if you’re willing to give way for each of them or you’ll fight for it. Some gives up because of a lost hope, some stays and fight for it. But sometimes, they just make the one to make a choice, then leave if ever they do lost the game.

In some cases, the one just happen to love someone new but it doesn’t mean that he don’t love the other one after all… It’s up to you if you can take the risk. From getting all his attention, you will be left with a half.

Sometimes, the one will ask you not to give way, not to give up on him. You might agree not to do it because of the tender feeling that you feel, but sometimes, he will just ask you to forget him, as if it were too easy to do.
He will say:
“Better forget me.”
Just to pay for all the hurt, pains and suffering he caused you.
But you will hold on, trying to make things easier
for the two of you. So that each of you can get back to normal.
Really,
“The one who makes you happy is the one who’ll make you cry.”
This saying has been proven so many times.
It becomes your motto in life.
Now, here’s a shadow of plan for the better of each:
Try to be honest, accept all the consequences.
Learn to love after all the aches; you can overcome all of it.
If the things you do hurts you so bad..
Come to open your heart and fall in love again…
For only love can ease all the pain.

I LoSt My FrEed0m

It's exactly been:
One year, twenty-eight days...and counting
since I've lost my freedom
to A guy that I know would never be mine.

Before everything:
I'm here, standing so still
no sad emotions and smiling:)
I'm enjoying the view,
the scene that I think I would probably only see once.

And he's there...
Enjoying his guy friend's company.
Watching the sun as it sets.

Everything has been so exciting and unforgettable.
We drink the happiness all the way out
while playing my favorite pool game.
We're in a place I'd call paradise.:)

While It happens:
I'm already drunk, but I still feel so alive!
I can still play one more game without messing it all up,
Still functioning, my mind..that is.

Helping me get up on my knees,
We walked, his arms were around me.
He was hugging me,
taking care of all the things around me.
Leading me back safely.

And then,
he did it.. never thought he would be like that.
I mean, he loved me that night.
He made me feel so special, like a baby.

I was under the spirit of alcohol, alright.
But it felt so good.... I can still remember the way I felt.
The feeling of being hugged... One arm on my neck, and one arm on my waist.
It was soooo.... Wonderful.

But as I close my eyes,
he left me. And all the magic of that dream had fade.

After all the things:
Here I am, still standing.
So stiff, My body's becoming weary,
Tired and all that.

And there he is,
laughing with his buddies,
glancing at me like nothing happenned.

And it was all that.
But until today, it still haunts me.
The magic, the dream... it was all here..
never leaving me.
Didn't know it will all come to this...

It's exactly been:
One year, twenty-eight days...and counting.
And I'm still finding my way to it...
Fighting to have my freedom back,
from a guy that I know would never be mine.

Voices Of The Unheard

Soft tiny whispers, covering the ears
Making no noise, silently crawling upon the next
Watching every movement while seeking for a momentary bliss
Hopping like greyhounds, finding no more than tears

With the sound of the wind and the simple rustling of the leaves
Lay a lonely spirit, hexed by the unforgivable priest
Battling to be alive, alone and with every cry
Treasures were finally opened to the beggar's eyes.

And with the speed of a bullet, the mystery were unfold
The lights were seen and the memories were sold
The giant was caught running faster than the limit
The immortals were bewitched and the innocents had stopped believing

Granting every wishes, the master had failed
Doomed with sorrow, whispers had grew stronger than ever
Reaching the balconies of those unsolicited maidens
Grasping for words with nothing but bare wounded hands

The phantom was triumphant upon hearing the good news
The stories were heard and the rumors were true
Beneath the grey sky, one blind man had seen the daylight.
Living not for tomorrow but fighting for today.

And finally, the storm had stopped
For a minute, For a second -- how far can it last?
The powers ran out, but the souls were awakened
The footprints were traced and the shadows were seen

Old photographs were filmed, the nature had stay green
The statue had smiled and the sea was beaming
No more clatter now, only scratches and few jinx
Hail to the glory and the sky was cleared

No Lo Se

It all started the day I realized... that I have this silly crush on you. Why, I was so busy thinking something, unfortnately, with just one moment you seem to occupy my mind. Silly it is, and yes, unlucky me it's you. I really don't know how I would handle such feeling and if I would ever survive it with only scratches. I knew right there and then that it would be difficult for me. That I would suffer and would only be left with nothing but a broken heart. I know I should stop it, and I know I should have done something to refrain myself from being so near to you. But all along, I was dreaming of you. So sweet... that it became a torture. Pure torture as I call it. Damaging not only my brain but also my heart. Like, I am lost with just a simple embrace... And all my plans of stopping would just fade. I am cold, I don't believe a fairytale could happen, but as a child I used to... yes, used to believe in something like that. But as times goes by, and all my friends got hurt, they would cry and would often stumble, I can see fairytales don't really happen at all. And so I refuse to let anyone get inside me, not... until you.
Just like a crasher, like a thief in the night, you silently crawled upon this heart of mine. I didn't notice it at first, then BOOM! I fell inLove with you... And it's ridiculous.
Because now I am lost, now I am scared and now I am not sure of myself anymore.